Looking For Support...

Hey, guys. I told you I'd be back! Just not on the regular for a while still...

So I'm dealing with two separate problems that are quite related. First off, I'm in excruciating pain. All. The. Time. Now, this actually isn't necessarily unusual for me. With my health and skeletal problems, I've been in relatively constant pain for a very, very long time. Hence the back surgery at like 21 years old. My back problems are degenerative, though, so it will never get better...only worse (unless science makes a ridiculous discovery). Anyway, that brings us to today. I'm in more pain now than I was before surgery, and it's constant. Of course, the intensity fluctuates but it's always there. Surgery is not an option and because the pain is so bad, I'm seeing a new pain management guy next month. But how do you go through each day, pushing through pain, and not go mad?

This brings me to my second issue: support. Sure, friends and family can be sympathetic and offer help here and there...but I really need at least one parent who understands what it's like to push past the awful pain to take care of their kids. I made a suggestion on how to do this about a week ago but haven't heard back. I'm tempted to start something myself but I wouldn't know where to begin. Okay, that's a lie. I have a couple ideas but I would need to do some research first.

Just overwhelmed and feeling slightly alone and helpless...

Mommy Update

Well, some things have been changing, for the better. It's actually pretty exciting.

A couple weekends ago, I spent the entire weekend with just the kiddo and me. We had so much fun! ...even though I was broke and we didn't leave the house. Let's just say I'm extremely resourceful. :D

Family dynamics are adjusting. I'm learning to not make assumptions about people based on their past; people change on a regular basis and I need to learn how to be more flexible and learn about the changes that people make and how those changes effect relationships (of all sorts). Family time has become even more important than it was already. Conscious efforts are being made to have legit conversations with my hubby and spend time with each other after the little one goes to bed. And not just the "how was your day?" or "can I get you a beer?" while staring at the TV together. We actually have interesting conversations. And even if only one of us is excited about the topic, the other one smiles and listens, excited that they're excited.

Another exciting thing is that I'm doing some more behind-the-scenes work at MomMeetMom.com :) I was originally the official editor for the blog. Now I'm being put to work editing another aspect of the website. And to top it off, I recently made a suggestion about having a section specifically for disabled moms. I'm not getting my hopes up (the woman that I spoke to had to discuss the idea with the other two founders)...but I definitely think it would be cool. Unless you've been there, you have no idea of the trials of being a disabled parents, especially a SAHM. So we'll see what happens.

So there's the scoop. :)
Until next time...

Eating Disorder Recovery Mission - update

Just an update:

Things are kinda crazy...but in a good way! Consistently working with www.MomMeetMom.com, including an awesome upcoming project!

Not a lot of traffic with my eating disorder project, but that takes time. Once the website is up and running, and I get more exposure, hopefully I'll be able to help more people

ALL COMPLETELY FREE SERVICES:
-educational classes for all types and ages of groups
-assistance finding recovery-related information, including treatment centers and support groups for families
-blog, giving information on eating disorders, guest blogs, and more
-monthly newsletter
-special request services

Keep up with the stuff going on:
Blog - edrecoverymission. blogspot.com
Facebook - www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=350552878444519
Twitter - @myedmission

Interested in one of the services? Email me at edrecoverymission@gmail.com

Much love!

My Mission

Well, surprise, surprise: I've taken on too many projects. So this blog will be put on the back burner. It will stay up so that others can read it. Also, I may update every once in a while...but definitely not every day, as before.

My prominent project at the moment is my Eating Disorder Recovery Mission. It is my goal to educate as many people as possible about eating disorders, their dangers, and the long term
- sometimes deadly - effects. I want to share my personal experiences of battling an eating disorder and watching others fight it, too. Education is the key to prevention.

I also want to help those who are overwhelmed with information. In the middle of discovering that someone you love has an eating disorder, all of the info out there can be difficult to sort through. It's easier for someone who is not personally involved, and is aware of the system, to find treatment centers, dieticians, and even support groups for family and friends.

My new blog will feature daily information on eating disorders, tips for talking about eating disorders, interviews, guest blogs, and more! A website is in the works for advertising the services I offer. The site and blog will work together to educate and spread the word.

Wish me luck!

To Cry or Not to Cry, That is the Question

A controversial topic has recently been brought up: should a parent let their child "cry it out?"

Let me start with my first thought...all parents have to do things that they are uncomfortable doing. We have to leave them on their first day of school, we eventually have to let go of the back of that bicycle, we have to hand them the car keys (and pray), and we have to let them drink so much that they never want a hangover like that again.

And sometimes, just sometimes, we have to sit in the hallway, face in our hands, bawling even harder than our child in her crib.

I've heard - and believe, to some extent - both sides of the argument. On one hand, there's the thought that leaving a child to cry on their own will traumatize the baby and cause feelings of abandonment. Others have the idea that allowing the baby to cry helps build self-soothing abilities.

As I said before, I have some beliefs on either side. Between what I've been told and my own experience, I've learned a few things:
a) Children need nurturing;
b) The younger they are, the faster they learn; and
c) Children are about as resilient as a Twinkie in a nuclear war.


Children do need at least some experience in self-soothing, and how much of that can they really get if Mommy picks him up at each little whimper? If a child doesn't learn how to self soothe, she won't be able to do it when she's older...and will be running in your room at 16 years old because of a thunderstorm...

Children also need to know that they're taken care of. They need
to know that when they cry out, their needs will be met. They need to feel cared for and loved.

This is where a parent's ability to discern comes in. A parent knows when their child is in need, and will always supply those needs. A parent also knows when their baby is being lazy or fighting sleep. During those times, there's not a single thing that anyone can do...except let the baby CRY IT OUT.

Of course, after a while, it's a good idea to check and make sure he didn't hit his head or anything. Plus, crying and screaming can really wear a kid out - hence why so many fall asleep. Try patting or rubbing her back for a couple minutes...and then leave. Let her learn to help herself. I know it sucks to listen to your helpless baby cry, but I promise, it's worth it.

Before I wrap this up, let me just say that the above applies to babies. In my opinion, once they become a toddler, crying it out isn't as good of an idea. They are continuously being independent and having to self-soothe: playing at a park without you by their side, playing alone in their room, laying in their bed alone in the dark while trying to get to sleep, tripping over their own feet and having to brush it off...the list is endless. When your toddler cries, she needs you. Cuddle her, love her, let her know she's safe, and ask her what's wrong. Ask what she needs.

He spends all day being pretty independent. Don't try to make him tough when he does need you. Just let him wrap his little arms around your neck, and remember that he won't be little for long.

Reader Challenge!

This is actually post #2 for today, which is a little ironic because my previous post was a part 2...but anyway, I have a challenge for my readers:

Comment!

I know that seems simple and benign, but it would mean the world to me. I see that I get a +1 on each of my blogs. I have anywhere between four and sixteen views of different posts. I just want to get a feel for who is reading my stuff.

So, if you're not a chicken...and you have the bravery of Marty McFlyy, then comment. Your name, where you're reading from, who your favorite superhero is...I really don't care what you say. I would just like to know that it's not purely robots coming to my page on some automated thing.

Just let me know that people really care about what I say.

Challenge accepted?

Tips: SAHM Survival (Part 2)

Today, my guest blog came out for Mom Meet Mom! It's pretty awesome, actually. First, let me introduce you to the site that changed my life. On this site, moms get together and discuss anything and everything mom-related: tips for picky eaters, the best brand of baby strollers, tricks for nap time, etc. We also meet moms who live nearby with kids of similar ages and families of similar values and interests. Meet other SAHMs, other working moms, other single moms...anything you can imagine! It is the ultimate site for moms. You should definitely go check it out.

So, the guest blog of mine is about surviving being a SAHM without going crazy. I decided that I would make this blog a continuation, hence this being "Part 2."

Being a stay at home mom (or dad!) can be...tiring. And difficult to handle. Here are some MORE tips that I've learned along the way:

1. Shower at night. I have a tendency to worry about showering in the mornings or at nap time, for fear that my little one would wake up. Once she's knocked out for the night, though, I can take an hour long bubble bath if I want.

2. Be flexible. As a Type A personality, I'm extremely organized, a bit rigid, and don't deal well with change. That had to change once I became a mother. Yes, I still make daily schedules and plan educational activities for the next day, but if it rains overnight and we can't go the park as planned, my world doesn't crumble. If you're a Type A like me, consider making an "emergency list of activities," things to do on a rainy day or if money for the zoo had to be spent on an unexpected emergency. It's always good to have a back up plan.

3. This one might seem random but is super important: as a SAHM, you need to be prepared for car emergencies - especially if you're kiddo is in the car. Every car should have:
One or two heavy blankets - for the winter or rain in case your car won't start
First aid kit
Jumper cables
A working cell phone charger - you don't want to get stranded with a child and dead phone!
Extra pair of clothes for you - in case yours get dirty or torn from trying to fix something
Extra pair of clothes and extra diapers - in case you didn't pack enough in case of an emergency
Extra snacks -  always have snacks; cranky kids usually quiet down with food
Seatbelt cutter - preferably 2, in separate locations, as it's doubtful that a crash would make both impossible to get to; seatbelt cutters aren't just for car accidents, kids can get wrapped up in seatbelts and every second matters
A spare tire, jack, tool to undo YOUR specific lugnuts, possibly even a small kit for tire problems, etc - because, well, duh.
Also, be sure you know how to use all of this stuff! If your other half is at work and can't get to you for a few hours, then sure, some guy may pull over to help, but with your baby? I would rather do it myself and not take that chance. Know how to change your tire, check your oil, and check your radiator fluid. Have your AAA phone number programmed into your phone. Know that Auto Zone does free diagnostics on your battery if you can get to one.

4. Make up games together. It can be fun for your little one to come home from a playdate and they teach you a game that he learned...but how awesome would it be if all of his friends' favorite game was one that the two of you made up together?!

5. Exercise. This may seem impossible, but it can be done! I think that this is especially important for SAHMs; exercise gives you a boost of endorphins - chemicals that make you feel happy - and can help fight off sadness, depression, postpartum depression, etc. Whether it's waking up thirty minutes early to do a little yoga, playing with your child at the park, dancing in the living room, or going on a family walk, every little bit helps!


So there you have it, folks. I may do more of these occasionally, just sharing a bit of knowledge as I learn along the way.

Since you're already online and have nothing better to do ;) go check out the original tips to surviving being a SAHM: Mom Meet Mom Blog

The Amazing Mother

My daughter and I are currently watching the movie Tarzan. It's interesting to think about the concept of a mother taking in a child of another species. Actually, it's not completely unheard of, in the wild or domestically. I heard a story a few weeks ago about a cat who had just given birth to kittens and saw some orphaned ducklings wandering around she immediately took them in. Because of the hormones, the cat didn't have the urge to go after the baby ducks. If she would have seen them even an hour sooner or later, she more than likely would have tried to eat them.

In Africa, there was an animal (I don't remember either of the species) that took in an animal of another species. Momma turned her back for two seconds and a lion took off with her baby. She was so heartbroken that she literally went out, seeking other orphans of the species of her previous baby. Those are the only ones she would adopt.

Motherhood is fascinating. Moms will go against all instincts to take care of their young. They even are able to do things that others can't. Humans can only handle a certain amount of pain (without such effects as passing out from pain); childbirth, however, is approximately ten units higher than what a human is supposed to be able to handle - and yet women give birth every day.

Moms are extraordinary. Don't wait until Mother's Day...go thank a mom. :)

Then VS Now

Sometimes it's interesting to think about what my goals were 10 years ago compared to where I am now.

Ten years ago, I thought that, at 26, I would be in a pretty serious relationship, still looking for love though. I would have spent my college years switching up my major: secondary education to art to law. I would have used a full scholarship to pay for school at the University of Texas in Austin, doing a fairly equal amount of studying and partying. My college girlfriends would be life long friends and we'd all date guys from the same frat. After high school, I would work here and there; maybe a waitressing job to start, become a tutor, and land a pretty crappy job at a high end magazine while I waited to get that sparkling career as a paralegal. By 26, I would have that career, working on cases that "I truly believe in." I'd have an apartment in the city, living on my own with one dresser drawer dedicated to my boyfriend's stuff. I wouldn't have it all together, but I'd be enjoying life in the most stereotypical ways and my plan would be in place: solid career, solid relationship, married at 29, two kids before 35.

It was foolproof...or so I thought.

After high school, I did have a serious relationship - which didn't work out so great for either of us. I took a few classes at the local community college and lost motivation. I've had quite a few lousy jobs, except for the accounting manager position. That was pretty cool. However, after high school, I did nothing with teaching (well, that's...complicated), art, law, or even waitressing! My "party days" lasted about three years. I partied hardcore and then, by the time I could legally drink, I was done.

Toward the end of high school, I never thought I'd actually marry my high school sweetheart...but I damn sure did. Ha ha. I quickly moved in with him, we were married by the time I was 23, and I had our daughter three days before my 24th birthday. Of course, my dreams from ten years ago never anticipated my outrageous health problems. So now I'm a stay at home mom, occupying my time with editing, blogging, writing a book, and helping/educating on eating disorders.

As with most people, my life didn't exactly go as I had in mind. And, honestly, there was a time when I had wished that I could go back and do things differently. But now I see how my life is unfolding; if I changed anything from my past, it would change my present and my future...and there's not enough money in the world for me to change what I have today.

Men-inists

Well, I promised it so here it is: men-inists. Or maybe masculanists? I haven't decided. Either way, today I'm going to talk about men, their rights, and the people who fight for those rights. In the news, on social media, even on YouTube, we see so much about #feminism. Since the dawn of time, no matter the number of people, there have been those fighting for women's rights. Susan B. Anthony fought for women to be able to vote. In the 1960s, ladies burned their bras, protesting the "requirements" from men. These days, people are trying to change the way women are treated in this time of rape culture. Girls shouldn't be taught to make sure they don't wear something to provoke a man; men should be taught what rape is - and don't do it.

But what about men?

Who is fighting for these guys? Since it was mentioned, this rape culture BS is completely skewed. Yes, some men are idiots. But a lot of attorneys, law enforcement, and judges either don't know or disagree that men can be raped, too. Few men are taken seriously when reporting this - or any crime against them by a woman, including domestic violence...and people wonder why men hesitate to file charges. Why make a big deal about something when you'll probably be told, "You could have overpowered her" or "Are you a p***y?" Why be humiliated all over again, after one of the most humiliating experiences ever?

Random thought: Why can a woman get a college scholarship just for being a woman, but men don't have that privilege? Maybe it's to make up for when women were continuously rejected from college because of their sex. It's not right, though.

Believe it or not, the media is just as tough on men and their bodies as they are toward women. Guys are expected to be tall, muscular, tan, clear complexion, and have a six pack. Personally, I don't know any man that fits that description...except maybe a Ken doll. Oh, and that dude who is getting surgeries to look like Ken. But he and real-life Barbie are another topic for another day.

There are so many stereotypes that men have to live up to. Men don't cry. Men play sports, and are good at it. Men are strong, physically and emotionally. There's too many to list! I think it's stupid that no one is standing up for these guys, at least not that I know of. What about guys who cry at ASPCA commercials? How about the ones who openly talk about their feelings? And the 12-year-old that can't throw a ball to save his life? Someone needs to tell them, "Hey, you may not fit the cookie cutter mold of what society thinks, but YOU ARE STILL A MAN, THROUGH AND THROUGH."

I don't think anyone fits society's mold 100% but that's okay. It would be extremely boring if we did. Embrace your differences, do not waste your talents - whether others like it or not, and love yourself for exactly who you are. Whether you're a man, woman, kid, pet dog, straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, white, black, olive-skinned, a purple people eater...whatever. You are you, and no one can truly love you unless you love yourself.

For the record, I'm not a feminist nor a "men-inist". I don't fight for the rights of anyone specific; I just feel that everyone - EVERYONE - deserves the exact same rights to do whatever they please as long as it's not hurting others. Even though I would never buy moon rocks, I think that everyone should have that option. (It was the best non-specific example of which I could think.) That's another topic for another day though.

Beauty is Soul Deep

I went nine years active in anorexia without even knowing it. NINE YEARS. That's a long time to be oblivious to something happening daily in front of your face. I starved myself, over exercised, used a number of "tricks" to either lose weight or increase my metabolism. The biggest factor was secrecy. Ed (the personification of an eating disorder) thrives on secrecy. The less others know, the more you can get away with doing...or not doing.

I finally reached the point of dying. My body was giving up on me. I was having physical problems due to the disorder and was so weak, I had to quit my job. My dizzy spells and passing out required friends to beg me to stop driving. I had finally hit rock bottom - and I didn't want to die. I went through treatment, re-feeding, and learning to counter attack Ed's maneuvers. I also learned that this would be a daily battle. I have more good days than bad now, but Ed still whispers sweet nothings into my ear sometimes.

I've made it a goal to do anything and everything to prevent at least one person from going through what I did. I give classes on my story, the basics of Ed, health concerns due to the disease, and how to help someone else fighting this battle. My biggest concern, however, is my daughter. I know that she pays attention to everything and will continue as she gets older. I don't want her to see a skipped meal, or hear a discouraging remark about my body. I am being conscious though. I explain that food is simply fuel for your body. We go over body parts and I tell her how beautiful she is, that she will always be beautiful, no matter what she looks like. Most importantly, beauty is soul deep.



Note: If you're interested in having me talk to a group about eating disorders (students, school faculty, parents, health care professionals, etc.), please comment and we will set something up. I also help people find resources to assist in treatment and recovery, no matter where you live, age, or even if you just need family support. Get in touch today!

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

There are several topics that I tend to make light of, or joke about, to feel more comfortable. This can be anything from mental illness to religion to politics. These subjects can be extremely uncomfortable, and sometimes a little padding is needed in order to have a productive conversation.

The one thing I will not joke about is suicide.

On Thursday, my husband received a phone call that a friend had committed suicide. While I was not as close to this friend, I was close enough for it
to affect me. As I sat there watching my husband grieve, my heart broke - for so many reasons. I was sad for our friend who felt that life would never get better; I was sad for those close to him who would never get to see him again, or even those who felt survivor's guilt for "not knowing" or "not doing anything." And then there was another part of my heart - a part that had never healed - that hurt for a friend who had taken her own life several years
ago.

Yesterday morning, the famous actor and comedian Robin Williams died at 62 years old. It is assumed to have been suicide. Robin Williams had previously been open about his battles with depression. It is so sad to see such as influential man taken, especially from his own decision. But honestly, our friend was influential as well. Not a person on this earth has gone their entire life, whether that is days or years, with affecting someone. We've all helped someone in some way.

All of us.

The string of my own life has been held delicately in the hands of the Fates, scissors waiting to make a clean cut. (Do your Greek mythology homework if you don't get it.) There has been more than once that I've been in the hospital from health issues, praying that I would make it. Then, there were days that I was at home, taking care of responsibilities, begging God to take me right then and there. There are several risks factors to someone becoming suicidal...but ultimately, suicide does not discriminate. Anyone can have that little voice creep into their mind, speaking dark thoughts.

I thought about blasting you with statistics and facts, but I know that I get bored of statistics and just start skimming. So I wanted to share my personal experience: dealing with depression and other mental health problems, a ton of physical health issues including chronic pain, and a history of suicide attempts in my family, I have always been a ticking time bomb. I've seriously considered suicide on several occasions and almost always got immediate help. Once, I did attempt...and I thank God every day that I failed. Sure, at the time, I felt like, "Ugh! I can't do anything right...I can't even kill myself right." But no matter what, I'm continually given chances. And I'm so thankful that I've been around to get married, have my daughter, watch her grow, and do some personal growth myself.

Feel free to share your thoughts and/or experiences. (Please be respectful of others.)

If you or someone you know are in a crisis situation, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (24/7) at 1-800-273-8255

Child Safety

City parks (or even a McDonald's PlayPlace) have always been a little bittersweet for me. On one hand, it's a nice escape from the house. It's much bigger than the little swingset in our backyard with which she typically plays. And for my only child, it's a great way for her to get some social interaction. So in general, there are a ton of perks...

However, public play areas are not always rainbows and sunshine. (Metaphorically or literally!) Parks are filled with kiddy germs and anyone who slides down the same slide can catch them. This is particularly facepalm worthy when parents actually bring their SICK children to play! Shouldn't they be in bed, at home, resting?! I promise, I'm not a germaphobe. Some germs are to be expected. Some parents just need to use common sense.

Germs are very low on the list of concerns, though. Wooden playgrounds and wood chips on the ground never bothered me; we played on them and survived the splinters and scraped knees from falling while trying to walk up the slide, instead of going down. They're getting rid of most of the wooden castles anyway.

My main concern is the creepers. You know that you were thinking it too! You've seen them: the one adult watching the playground, maybe even saying something like, "Emma, be careful!"...but you never actually see them giving a kid juice or even stop a little one for a bathroom break/diaper change. Now, just because you don't see these things does NOT mean that the adult is definitely not there with a kid - it should, though, be reason for you to be cautious.

Even though my little one is not quite three yet, I'm trying to teach her safety tips when it comes to other adults. While my generation was taught about "stranger danger," strangers aren't always the people of which you should be leery. First off, if a person introduces himself to your child, he's suddenly no longer a stranger! If you NEVER talk to strangers, you would never make friends, order anything from a restaurant, or get a job. And family isn't always harmless themselves.

Some rules I'm trying to teach my daughter:

1) Grown ups never need help from kids. If a grown up asks for you to help find their lost dog (for example), go tell Mommy and Daddy immediately.

2) Never get into a car with anyone unless Mommy and Daddy tell you it's okay. (If the grown up says that we told him or her that it was okay, don't trust them. We will ALWAYS tell you, too.)

3) Your body is your own.

4) You can tell Mommy and Daddy anything! If someone says not to tell us something, it's because it's bad. Come and tell us anyway so you can be safe; no matter what the other person says, you will not get in trouble. (And yes, I will be telling my family to not tell her about surprise parties until she's old enough to understand the difference. Ha ha)

5) Never take anything from anyone without Daddy or Mommy saying it's okay: candy, food, drinks, toys - NOTHING.

I think it's important to learn that not all strangers are bad, and not all familiar people are good. I would blame myself forever if something happened to her and I didn't do everything in my power to keep her safe. Okay, so as a parent, I'd probably blame myself anyway.

I talked the other day about good things in this world, and there are...but there are also awful things too, and I want her to be safe and aware.

A Light Despite Death

Death is all around us. It happens everyday, to several people each day, for various reasons. To quote Mufasa from The Lion King, "And so, we are all connected in the great circle of life."

When I was pregnant, I was called selfish. It was the opinion
of others that this world is too cruel, too dangerous, filled with too much hatred and disappointment; they would say that no one should bring a child into this awful world and if you did, you were simply being selfish because you want a baby.

They were wrong.

Yes, I'll admit that biology had something to do with it. Most people desire to reproduce due to chemicals roaming around our bodies. The 'biological clock' is a real thing. But that was not the main reason that I wanted a child. (I can't speak for my husband but I can speak from my experience.) Biology actually had very little to do with it. I wanted to share the experience with my husband, raising a child and having a piece of our souls in one little body.

My primary reason, though, was to grace the world with someone special. Everyone brings something amazing to this world and the people around them. Whether a person becomes a surgeon that saves lives daily or talks to one person on a bus and helps them believe that life is worth living, each person does something phenomenal. Our daughter may become a prosecutor that puts a serial killer in prison. She may become a teacher, teaching great leaders. She may become a custodian, cleaning and disinfecting, preventing people from dying of MRSA. Whatever she does, she will make a difference.

The world can be a scary place. Gangs, theft, murder, hatred, self harm....the list goes on. But there is still beauty in the world. It may be harder to see, but it never went away. A sunrise, the composition of music, a child's laughter....again, the list goes on. My daughter may face a harsh place, but she will be stronger for it and will learn to see the good in her surroundings and in other people.

Maybe I am selfish. Or maybe I just wanted a small light to shine upon us.

Self Expression...or Something Else?

In 1991, an ancient man preserved in ice, dubbed The Iceman, was discovered. While he was a significant discovery that explained quite a bit about our ancestors, there was something that was truly astounding: he had tattoos.

Tattoos have been a part of cultural life for pretty much the entirety of our existence. Different civilizations had and have vastly different purposes behind them. The Iceman, for example, had markings on specific joints. This was assumed to be used for medical treatment, similar to today's acupressure.

In the Victorian age, there was a huge focus on ancient Egypt. Several mummies were discovered and tattoos were found on the mummies, typically on the women. In that time period, more than likely due to the Victorian's views on tattoos being taboo, they quickly labeled these tattooed mummies as prostitutes or concubines. Later research was done, though, specifically on the mummy of a woman named Amunet. It turned out that she was a high priestess for the goddess Hathor, and a noble woman. This completely debunked the idea that Egyptian tattoos were only for the lower class or the outcasts; in fact, as more research was done, scientists concluded that many tattoos were used in that time period also for pain relief, including for relief during childbirth. It's possible that priestesses may have also gotten tattoos as a cleansing or asking to be blessed by the gods.

Tribes in Africa and South America still use tattoos for medical reasons. They also used their particular practice of tattooing (dipping a stick in ink and tapping the stick with a small mallet) as a "coming of age" for boys. Asians and Pacific Islanders have been known to get tattoos after battle, symbolizing how many they killed, how many soldiers they lost, and other war-specific information.

So many of these reasoning are used in the US today. Many 18th birthdays (including my own) are spent in tattoo shops, as a rite of passage. Many people have a cross, a portrait of the Virgin Mary, a passage from the Torah, or any other religious symbol to pay homage to their specific God/gods. Prisoners may have tattoos based on people that they have killed. And while it is not as often used for physical wellness, I personally know several people who get a tattoo for mental wellness: a tattoo symbolizing progress they have made emotionally, a visual representation of their inner demons, or simply enduring the pain of a tattoo in lieu of self harm or indulging in an addiction.

My favorite thing about tattoos is that they are conversation starters. Each one has a story behind it. Why that piece? Why did you get it when you did? Did you talk to the tattoo artist? Who was with you, and why them? You can learn so much about a person from the art on their bodies. And sometimes, only the person with the tattoo will ever know the true meaning.

I personally have seven tattoos. Each has its own meaning and story, some of which I'll never fully tell. Will I be okay with my daughter getting tattoos? Absolutely - as long as she's old enough and sleeps on it. Don't permanently mark your body if you've had the idea for a day. Regardless, tattoos are not for everyone...and that's okay, too.

Music for Our Children

When my daughter was one, she and I had gone to the grocery store one day. It was a pretty hot day so after the car had cooled off, I put my little one in her car seat and left the car on, obviously so she could get the air conditioning while I piled recently bought food into my trunk. Like other normal people, I had the radio playing; Lynard Skynard happened to be on when a woman came over to her car, parked next to mine. She was older than me, probably in her 40s. She was dressed conservatively, wearing a long dress in the Texas heat. I could feel her staring at me, judging me, seeing my P.O.S. car and tattoos...but never in my wildest dreams did I think she would actually approach me.

"You shouldn't let your daughter listen to that." She was so nonchalant, as if it was normal to tell others how to parent. "Excuse me?" I looked at her, utterly dumbfounded, and closed
my trunk. She looked directly at me, without hesitation, and said, "Letting your daughter listen to that devil music will make her either a teenage parent or end up in jail."

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Was this the 1950s, when rock and roll was banned from schools and homes? Before people appreciated nothing more than wordless music and hymns? Still shocked, I wasn't really mad and she was not going to get to me. I simply looked at her and said, "How I raise my daughter is none of your business whatsoever. But, to clear something up, my daughter's moral compass will not be ruled by music. It will be based on the morals and values that her father and I instill in her. And I feel terribly sorry for
your children since they were obviously raised to be closed-minded and intolerant of anything that they don't understand." Her jaw dropped and she fumbled with her keys as she quickly tried to get into her car and end the short interaction. I got in my car and turned the music up...not too much for the little one's ears, though.

As she is getting older and beginning to sing along with songs, I pay close attention to what I play around her. Yes, she likes singing along with "B-I-N-G-O" and she is constantly singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider," although she says "isy dider." Sometimes when we're in the car, especially on longer drives, I'll put in her CD with all of the kids' songs. And sometimes I'll turn it to a classic rock station or throw in my Elvis CD. Her current favorite song is "Let It Be" by The Beatles.

My husband and I both have extremely eclectic tastes in music. While I was pregnant, we decided that we wanted our kiddo to be exposed to different music too. If she doesn't like a type of music or changes her mind, that's fine. She's entitled to her own opinions, just like everyone else. For now, she's really into rock from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. She also likes electronica because she loves to dance, and the little bit of hip hop that she has heard. (It's hard to find hip hop that a two-year-old can listen to.) I find it a bit amusing that I grew up listening to country music and she pretty much can't stand it. Maybe that will change later on, and maybe it won't; I don't want her to be who we want her to be - I want her to be herself.

Judge me as you will for our parenting decisions. We will do what we feel is best and what works for our family. And she will be exposed to all kinds of music. Just like I told the crazy anti-Lynard Skynard lady, how we raise our daughter is no one else's business whatsoever.

If you don't want your kids listening to The Eagles, then don't let them listen to it. You do you, and I'll do me.

Not Just a Mom

Today, I thought I would take some time to go over something that's kind of non-mom related. Here is a small look into my life as more than just a mom. (By the way, this is a "special edition" blog; you'll still be getting an opinionated, feisty blog later today.)

While being a mother is probably the biggest role that I play (primarily because, during the day, I am the biggest or sole influence on my daughter), I do have other roles in my life. You already know that I am a wife, but I'm also a daughter, sister, granddaughter, godmother, friend, and cousin. Oh, and a blogger, editor, writer, and educator.

I decided to start this blog for a few reasons.
1) I love writing and this was a daily creative outlet.
2) I always want to share my thoughts/opinions/ views on certain subjects, but previously had no platform to do that. Now I do!
3) Sometimes I just need a few minutes of "grown up talk." Ha ha.

My days are generally made up of carting my daughter around - usually to MY doctor appointments. And boy, do I have a ton of doctor appointments! Since a lot of my time is either with doctors, solely focused on my kiddo, or doing my wifely duties, I try to take advantage of any "me time" that I can get. I will spend that time blogging, editing, working on my book, or catching up on my favorite TV show. I'm a little obsessed with Switched at Birth. It's a bit crazy.

So, my editing gig: I recently got taken on as an editor for Mom Meet Mom. I recently joined the Mom Meet Mom website because, well, it's awesome. It's
this great site, started by moms, that allows moms to meet other moms in their area, with kids of a similar age, families who have similar ideals, etc. Moms can get to know each other, plan playdates, and talk to other moms about stuff they're going through - whether it's kid related or not. Ultimately, it's an awesome site.

I've been working on a fictitious book for a while now. I'm currently doing some research on a certain section. Synopsis: Hannah Anderson is a college student with aspirations to be a curing, world-changing psychiatrist. While working on her dissertation, Hannah volunteers at a local psychiatric hospital and meets a patient, Jeffrey. How will Hannah gain so much information for her paper? How will Jeffrey affect her view on mental illness?

I haven't done it in a while, but I have also done educational classes for middle and high schoolers on eating disorders. I'm considering doing a more detailed class for teachers, school counselors, coaches, and school administrators in an effort for them to learn how to spot eating disorder signs and learn how to approach patents in the least abrasive way.

Well, that's it for now. Don't forget to check the 'About Amber,' 'Areas of Interest,' and the other pages.



EDIT: I have decided to pursue the educational classes and helping research resources on eating disorders. I am in the process of creating a website with more information. I will post the website on one of the pages and a blog once it's ready. Thanks for your patience!

Independent Toddlers Create Sad Mommies

My two-year-old is relatively independent. She can play alone, dress herself (mostly by herself), put on her socks and shoes, go potty almost by herself, feed herself, make choices, etc. As happy as I am that she's learning to be self-sufficient, it also breaks my heart.

When she was just an infant, she relied solely on her caretakers, primarily her father and me. We did everything for her; we changed her, bathed her, fed her, clothed her, decided her activities, even had to carry her for her to go somewhere - absolutely everything. Slowly but surely, she began to develop into this really short person. A mind of her own, abilities, increasing vocabulary.

I realized yesterday that I had hindered her in the past. I didn't try to let her dress herself. When she was learning to feed herself, I would simply take over if she was having difficulties. The more that I did things for her, the longer it took for her to become independent, even in small ways. While she was never developmentally delayed, she could have - and should have - worked more on some independent thinking.

This morning, as she was dressing herself, the moment felt extremely bittersweet. On one hand, I was so excited to see my little girl grow up, especially into what looks like a strong, independent woman later in life. On the other hand, it was sad to feel like she doesn't need me as much anymore. Obviously it's nothing compared to what will happen when she's a teenager, or when she starts her own family. I know from personal experience that she will always need her parents to some extent...but will need us much less. But it starts.

So for now, I will cherish each moment that she still needs me. Every night that I tuck her in bed, each book that I read to her, putting on her costume dress because it's made awkwardly. Each moment will be filed in my heart for a rainy day ...

Combating a Bad Day

Today is a bad day.

Now, when I say bad day, I don't mean that one really bad thing happened that ruined my day. I'm referring to the "everything is going wrong" kind of bad day. (Of course, 'everything' means all of the little daily stuff that has no true importance in life.) I woke up in pain (not exactly unusual), my doctor's appointment this morning did not go as planned, my two-year-old threw a fit because she wanted to play in the McDonald's Playplace (we weren't even at McDonald's and it was about seven minutes before my doctor's appointment), she took less than an hour nap and is cranky now because she didn't get enough sleep, I got water allllll over the floor while doing laundry,  and I feel like crap (besides the pain).

It's just been one of those days.

Prior to a month or two ago, I had a horrible habit of getting agitated whenever my little one would do something wrong. I was constantly saying "no" and "stop," and using time out all of the time. I've begun changing my tactics, though. Now, instead of telling her to stop, I redirect her. Example: she lifted her shirt up in the doctor's office this morning. Instead of my typical "stop that!", I simply said, "please put your shirt down. We keep our shirt down around other people. Would you like to color?" Since I've started responding in this way, I didn't get irritated; it's actually hard to respond in a loving way and use a loud, angry voice. Responding this way keeps me in check...and she listens much better! I think I've used time out once since doing this. It's just all around helpful for everyone involved.

Anyway, I haven't really had a crappy day since my change in response. Until today. I'm noticing that it's easier for me to revert to old, unhealthy responses, and I want to do anything but that! So I wanted to share how I get through rough days: sometimes the best thing is to remind myself what GOOD things happened today. And if I'm having a hard time thinking of anything, I'll use the rest of the day to create good things. :)

My list for today:
1) I woke up
2) My little girl is meeting milestones daily
3) I have the ability to see specialty doctors and attempt to keep my pain under control
4) I have a working vehicle
5) I got to cuddle with my kiddo
6) My daughter has the same passion for reading as me
7) I got at least some time to myself this afternoon
8) I have the capability to express myself and connect with others online

What's your list?

Childhood Standards

I vote that we break the gender norm standards that we have for kids - starting today.

My two-year-old just got home from spending the weekend with my mother-in-law, and is currently playing "Ninja Turtle VS Dinosaur." We had a playdate a couple weeks ago where both kids had to share a doll.

Mine is a girl; and her friend, with the doll, is a boy.

You see, kids don't care if they fit into some box created by society. They're motto is "I'll do me, and I'll enjoy it." While they are very selfish creatures, we could learn a thing or two from them about shoving gender norms down the toilet. So what if my daughter loves TMNT? So what if a boy enjoys playing with dolls? They're not hurting anyone...and they're expanding their horizons, playing with something not because it's expected, but because it's fun.

If my daughter wants a football for Christmas, then I see no reason why she shouldn't get one. If she wants a doll house, I don't see any reason why she shouldn't get that, either. Quit teaching your children that their interests and passions are "bad" or "wrong" just because they don't fit your ideals.

My ideal is for my daughter to be happy and healthy. Why force her to be anything else?

Feminist Soapbox

My husband and I are going on a date tonight. We're going to see Guardians of the Galaxy. We're both excited. :)

As I was getting ready, I realized how much I do for him- and for society. I, personally, am not bothered when I don't shave my legs. Seriously, who actually enjoys that? But the public does not appreciate that we were born with hair, so perhaps it's supposed to be there.

Some things I do for myself. Like make up. Honestly, the check out lady at Wal-Mart could care less about my complexion. I've been complimented even when I'm not sporting make up. But it makes me uncomfortable to be in my own skin. Make up is my war paint; I feel confident, winning the battle against self image.

If I could get away with it, I may not do half of what I do. Actually, I probably would. My husband likes it and I enjoy making him happy.

And what about men? Are there "meninists" out there, fighting for the rights of men? But that's a blog for another day...

Obituary: the English language

Two days ago, I received some exciting news: I was asked (and approved) to be a guest blogger! At first, I was unsure if I had the ability to catch a reader's attention, keep their attention, and still get my point across. Writing has always been a joy for me, though, so I took the assignment. (And after seeing that my first blog on here got 32 page views in less than 14 hours, I'm feeling more confident!) I'm a total nerd; I will do research projects and write analytical essays out of boredom. Anyway, I digress...

My thoughts for tonight piggy back off of the idea of blogging. How is internet communication (email, blogs, instant messaging, etc.) helping and/or hurting people today, specifically our youth? On one hand, I could say that all of this writing is helping the students of today. Talking with someone who is not in the same room requires a certain amount of descriptive imagery. Younger children may be understanding the concept of sentence structure, as their emails to Grandma require sentences. Students may even get used to writing their thoughts so much that English testing could be less anxiety.

I could say that. But I wouldn't believe a word of it.

People today - not just youth - are taking the English language, throwing it in the blender, and smearing it on the walls of grammar. Kids, who have been IMing their friends since before they started school, have no regard for proper English, or even correct spelling, for that matter. They are so accustomed to this botched way of conversing that English essays look like this:

Me and my mom went 2 tha store this wkend. We would of gone 2 c my grandma but it rained.

It was so difficult writing those two "sentences." It hurts my heart to know that there are people who think this is correct. Honestly, they do! On a bit of a side note, technology in general is seriously hindering students. Spell check allows them to not be required to learn anything about English; they simply believe that spell check will correct everything for them. News flash! Spell check makes errors sometimes. Yes, you read that correctly. Spell check is IMPERFECT.

My biggest pet peeve in regards to this is that students don't have to learn practically anything anymore! Didn't read your summer reading assignment? Oh, it's fine, just Google the summary on the day before school starts. You can even look up symbolism in the book so you don't have to use your brain at all. Need to write a history paper? Just take one paragraph from a few different websites on the subject, throw the paragraphs together, and voila! A "flawless" and easy A+. I'm even seeing adults who cannot do simple math without a calculator. You seriously can't subtract five from eight? It's appalling.

I do understand that there are a select few teachers who still require at least one book reference for assignments, or take up cell phones when students are using them to cheat on tests. And for that, I applaud you. There are so many other teachers, though, who are tired,  burned out, or just plain lazy. My daughter is only two right now. By the time she starts school, how relaxed will the schools be? Will there even be teachers, or just robots spitting out information that the students can print from the robot at the end of class? I honestly pray that my daughter is as passionate about learning as I am. Hopefully, even if the schools go completely downhill, she will still find a way to learn new information and actually retain it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I conclude the demise of the education system in the United States.

One last thing: my guest blog is expected to be posted on Tuesday. Check out blog.mommeetmom.com to read some awesome articles on parenthood, marriage, and tons of other topics to which moms (and dads!) can relate. And don't forget to head over there on Tuesday!

Hello, Hello!

My name is Amber and I have been a Stay At Home Mom since I had my daughter, two and a half years ago. I have daily battles to get through, including physical health problems, chronic pain, mental health issues, and the hardest of all: marriage. ;)

I am by no means a pro at this mom stuff; however, I do learn something new everyday. Sometimes it's life-changing, such as learning how to make time for myself. Sometimes it's a helpful tip, like potty training tricks.

 So I want to invite you along for one of the craziest rides of my life. I may talk about my daughter, my husband, or maybe something going on at that time (Christmas, Mental Health Awareness Month, etc.). Check in regularly to get a glimpse in the life of a SAHM.

Before I wrap this up, I thought I might give you some background on myself. I am a disabled SAHM. I married my high school sweetheart three years ago next month. I enjoy reading, psychological thriller movies, and writing.  I'm actually currently working on a book. Even though it's hard on me, I love taking my daughter outside to play on the swing set, blow dandelions, or look for bugs.

Until next time...