I went nine years active in anorexia without even knowing it. NINE YEARS. That's a long time to be oblivious to something happening daily in front of your face. I starved myself, over exercised, used a number of "tricks" to either lose weight or increase my metabolism. The biggest factor was secrecy. Ed (the personification of an eating disorder) thrives on secrecy. The less others know, the more you can get away with doing...or not doing.
I finally reached the point of dying. My body was giving up on me. I was having physical problems due to the disorder and was so weak, I had to quit my job. My dizzy spells and passing out required friends to beg me to stop driving. I had finally hit rock bottom - and I didn't want to die. I went through treatment, re-feeding, and learning to counter attack Ed's maneuvers. I also learned that this would be a daily battle. I have more good days than bad now, but Ed still whispers sweet nothings into my ear sometimes.
I've made it a goal to do anything and everything to prevent at least one person from going through what I did. I give classes on my story, the basics of Ed, health concerns due to the disease, and how to help someone else fighting this battle. My biggest concern, however, is my daughter. I know that she pays attention to everything and will continue as she gets older. I don't want her to see a skipped meal, or hear a discouraging remark about my body. I am being conscious though. I explain that food is simply fuel for your body. We go over body parts and I tell her how beautiful she is, that she will always be beautiful, no matter what she looks like. Most importantly, beauty is soul deep.
Note: If you're interested in having me talk to a group about eating disorders (students, school faculty, parents, health care professionals, etc.), please comment and we will set something up. I also help people find resources to assist in treatment and recovery, no matter where you live, age, or even if you just need family support. Get in touch today!
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