Suicide Prevention Lifeline

There are several topics that I tend to make light of, or joke about, to feel more comfortable. This can be anything from mental illness to religion to politics. These subjects can be extremely uncomfortable, and sometimes a little padding is needed in order to have a productive conversation.

The one thing I will not joke about is suicide.

On Thursday, my husband received a phone call that a friend had committed suicide. While I was not as close to this friend, I was close enough for it
to affect me. As I sat there watching my husband grieve, my heart broke - for so many reasons. I was sad for our friend who felt that life would never get better; I was sad for those close to him who would never get to see him again, or even those who felt survivor's guilt for "not knowing" or "not doing anything." And then there was another part of my heart - a part that had never healed - that hurt for a friend who had taken her own life several years
ago.

Yesterday morning, the famous actor and comedian Robin Williams died at 62 years old. It is assumed to have been suicide. Robin Williams had previously been open about his battles with depression. It is so sad to see such as influential man taken, especially from his own decision. But honestly, our friend was influential as well. Not a person on this earth has gone their entire life, whether that is days or years, with affecting someone. We've all helped someone in some way.

All of us.

The string of my own life has been held delicately in the hands of the Fates, scissors waiting to make a clean cut. (Do your Greek mythology homework if you don't get it.) There has been more than once that I've been in the hospital from health issues, praying that I would make it. Then, there were days that I was at home, taking care of responsibilities, begging God to take me right then and there. There are several risks factors to someone becoming suicidal...but ultimately, suicide does not discriminate. Anyone can have that little voice creep into their mind, speaking dark thoughts.

I thought about blasting you with statistics and facts, but I know that I get bored of statistics and just start skimming. So I wanted to share my personal experience: dealing with depression and other mental health problems, a ton of physical health issues including chronic pain, and a history of suicide attempts in my family, I have always been a ticking time bomb. I've seriously considered suicide on several occasions and almost always got immediate help. Once, I did attempt...and I thank God every day that I failed. Sure, at the time, I felt like, "Ugh! I can't do anything right...I can't even kill myself right." But no matter what, I'm continually given chances. And I'm so thankful that I've been around to get married, have my daughter, watch her grow, and do some personal growth myself.

Feel free to share your thoughts and/or experiences. (Please be respectful of others.)

If you or someone you know are in a crisis situation, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (24/7) at 1-800-273-8255