To Cry or Not to Cry, That is the Question

A controversial topic has recently been brought up: should a parent let their child "cry it out?"

Let me start with my first thought...all parents have to do things that they are uncomfortable doing. We have to leave them on their first day of school, we eventually have to let go of the back of that bicycle, we have to hand them the car keys (and pray), and we have to let them drink so much that they never want a hangover like that again.

And sometimes, just sometimes, we have to sit in the hallway, face in our hands, bawling even harder than our child in her crib.

I've heard - and believe, to some extent - both sides of the argument. On one hand, there's the thought that leaving a child to cry on their own will traumatize the baby and cause feelings of abandonment. Others have the idea that allowing the baby to cry helps build self-soothing abilities.

As I said before, I have some beliefs on either side. Between what I've been told and my own experience, I've learned a few things:
a) Children need nurturing;
b) The younger they are, the faster they learn; and
c) Children are about as resilient as a Twinkie in a nuclear war.


Children do need at least some experience in self-soothing, and how much of that can they really get if Mommy picks him up at each little whimper? If a child doesn't learn how to self soothe, she won't be able to do it when she's older...and will be running in your room at 16 years old because of a thunderstorm...

Children also need to know that they're taken care of. They need
to know that when they cry out, their needs will be met. They need to feel cared for and loved.

This is where a parent's ability to discern comes in. A parent knows when their child is in need, and will always supply those needs. A parent also knows when their baby is being lazy or fighting sleep. During those times, there's not a single thing that anyone can do...except let the baby CRY IT OUT.

Of course, after a while, it's a good idea to check and make sure he didn't hit his head or anything. Plus, crying and screaming can really wear a kid out - hence why so many fall asleep. Try patting or rubbing her back for a couple minutes...and then leave. Let her learn to help herself. I know it sucks to listen to your helpless baby cry, but I promise, it's worth it.

Before I wrap this up, let me just say that the above applies to babies. In my opinion, once they become a toddler, crying it out isn't as good of an idea. They are continuously being independent and having to self-soothe: playing at a park without you by their side, playing alone in their room, laying in their bed alone in the dark while trying to get to sleep, tripping over their own feet and having to brush it off...the list is endless. When your toddler cries, she needs you. Cuddle her, love her, let her know she's safe, and ask her what's wrong. Ask what she needs.

He spends all day being pretty independent. Don't try to make him tough when he does need you. Just let him wrap his little arms around your neck, and remember that he won't be little for long.